That’s the sound of money from divorce mistakes flying out of your wallet.

You chase after it, but never seem to catch up…

You’re doing everything you think you’re supposed to, but nothing is working.

Your accounts seem to become self-draining, and you can’t seem to stop the leaks.

You wonder what you’re doing wrong…  and why this has become so complicated.

Chasing your money, running from meeting to meeting…

And your emotions are all over the place, like your money.

You’re frantic about your future because it seems everything is unknown.

Then… suddenly at 3 am… in a panic… you wake up. It was all a bad dream… or was it a glimpse into your future?

losing sleep over divorce mistakes

You’ve been thinking about divorce so much, you’re having nightmares about it. But they could come true if you don’t get the information you need to prevent it.

Here are 5 of the most common divorce mistakes that can sabotage the fair outcome you hope for, and deserve.

  1. Telling your spouse that you’re considering divorce before you get your finances in order. There are so many unbelievable things that could go wrong if you do this. All your financial records can “evaporate,” leaving you without the information you need. Your spouse could hire the most nasty aggressive attorney and file for divorce right away, putting you on the constant defensive, with little chance to actually get anything near fair. Finally, your spouse could come down with the usual divorce “illness,“ SIDS. In this case it’s Sudden Income Deficiency Syndrome. They either lose their job or their own business mysteriously begins to fail. A lot can to wrong if you make this first and worst mistake.

  2. Getting advice from friends and family. Sure they’re well-meaning. And they really do want to support you and suggest what they believe might be best. But in most cases, they have no idea how the legal system works, and how their misguided advice could actually make your divorce more difficult. Definitely take their gracious support, but tell them your divorce team is giving you the actual divorce advice you need.

  3. Emptying out the bank and investment accounts. If you ever wanted to cause an all-out war in your house, this is the fastest way to do it. Also, it will either alert your spouse that you are thinking about leaving, or at the very least will make it appear that you are attempting to take all the family’s money. Don’t do it!

  4. Engaging in arguments with your spouse. Not matter what it takes, do whatever you have to do to avoid fighting. Change the subject. Suggest that we’ll have to agree to disagree. Or just concede if it’s not that important. It’s unlikely that minor compromises on your part will have a negative effect on your big picture. Heater arguments that turn up the temperature just move your spouse closer to seeking out that aggressive divorce attorney discussed in #1. And a positive result for you is that with the reduced tension, you should be able to sleep better.

  5. Thinking everything will fall into place without much effort on your part. No matter how you eventually approach divorce, whether it’s with a mediator or an attorney, there is a lot that depends on you. In order to move onto a new life, you must be involved in the process. Otherwise you might as well just pack up some clothes and leave everything else behind now. Mediators can’t give you any financial advice. Attorneys can give you financial guidance but their forte is the law. While they can help divide assets, they can not help you with tax ramifications of certain decisions, or the future value that a particular asset will have for you. That is the function of the financial specialist on the team. You decide on your priorities, and settlement proposals are formulated around them by the financial specialist.

That’s the tip of your iceberg when it comes to avoiding divorce mistakes, but it’s a good starting point.

Of course there’s much more to it than this. 

You are encouraged to get your finances in order and keep calm so you can make all your best divorce decisions.

If you are interested in getting even more information, request your complimentary Pre-Planning Checklist HERE.

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Ellen Wanamaker

Ellen Wanamaker is a Divorce Financial Specialist and Communications Strategist. She began helping women with uncoupling, after her own egregious divorce from which she created a step by step system. Post-divorce, she went on to become a Matrimonial Paralegal, Mediator and Divorce Financial Specialist. Ellen's divorce strengths stem from her financial background, being a federally licensed tax practitioner for more than 25 years,, and investment and insurance advisor. She has been helping women in many stages of divorce set up their finances on autopilot. Ellen is also the author of the popular book "Divorce Starter Tools Women Need."